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I Choose to Bless

I have noticed a change happening over the last several months. It has been subtle, and oh-so-slow, but it is rather pleasing. Gradually, I find myself not minding having my picture taken so much--even sharing some of the photos. For once not seeing myself as hideous, I actually admire some of them. There is one in particular I was shocked to find appealing. I am in a yoga class, and the picture is from behind. I am sitting on the floor wearing bright blue yoga pants (something else I would never have done just a few short months ago), and I can see my ample behind growing below my waistline and gushing out over the blanket on which I sit. I see the picture, and I actually kind of like the way my ass looks....it look juicy.



There have been a couple of times when I caught a glimpse of my belly in a mirror, and I felt pride in its roundness. My babies had grown in there. The shape reflected their once-home--a cozy place where they could safely receive my nurturance and love. What was shocking was that the idea wasn't forced; it wasn't something about which I was convincing myself, but a spontaneous joy that spread over me.

A few days ago, I looked at myself in a mirror naked (another thing I generally try to avoid). I was shocked to find myself thinking that my overall shape was okay. I was able to look past all the extra curves. But, then I took a closer look and decided I looked better a little out of focus. I wanted my cellulite and loose skin and other blemishes to be smoothed-over--airbrushed--photoshopped. While I will not belittle the general improvements in my overall body image, I also realize that self-acceptance is not supposed to be conditional. It is about complete, utter, unconditional love and acceptance. 

It reminded me of my intention for the New Years, which is essentially to "bless others". One of my favorite passages written by my Spiritual Teacher, Avatar Adi Da Samraj is this:


You can suffer, or you can love. You can complain, or you can surrender. You can abuse, or you can bless. It is really just that simple. True maturity, Real-God-Realizing maturity, manifests great compassion, great love, great help, endures greatly.
—Avatar Adi Da Samraj
I turn to this passage all the time--often several times a day. Every line is useful in every moment to me, but what has been resonating the most with me lately is "You can abuse, or you can bless". I can have a rather sharp tongue, and I often hurt people's feelings. It makes the other person feel bad, and it makes me feel horrible. It helps nobody and hurts everybody. This year, I intend to abuse no longer. I choose to see each being as the Divine. As I contemplate this more and more, I realize that this means myself as well. If I manage to accomplish this disposition of blessing rather than abusing, and seeing each person (even myself) as the Divine, or even if I make strides in that direction, it will be huge transformation.
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